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Laura's Spanking Corner

Frequently Asked Questions

Ever since I created Laura's Spanking Corner, I've received a lot of questions about spanking and s/m. Although I'm not an expert, I try to help when I can. However, the volume of email I'm getting is starting to become overwhelming, so I'm starting to collect the common questions and my answers here. Please take a look at this list before you send me email.


If your question isn't answered here, you might also want to check out the excellent soc.sexuality.spanking FAQ, which has a lot of useful information about both the newsgroup and spanking in general.

In most of these questions and answers, you'll notice that I use female pronouns when talking about a spanking partner. That's simply because my partners are women; I'm not trying to make any kind of political statement.

Q: How can I find someone to spank or to spank me?

A: There's no magic answer to this question. Finding people for spanking play isn't all that different than finding people for other activities, except there is a lot more trust involved. The best things you can do are meet as many people as you can and be as nice a person as you can. Eventually, you'll find someone who is the right partner for you.

Having said that, there are a few things you can do to improve your chances of finding a spanking partner:

  • If you already have a partner, then ask if he or she is interested in spanking. Even if the answer is no, you might be able to convince them to play just because you enjoy it. See below for some tips on how to do this. This all seems obvious, but a lot of people are afraid to ask. Personally, I'd be less afraid of that than of getting caught cheating.

  • Become more active on soc.sexuality.spanking. If you write interesting posts that have some emotional content, people on the newsgroup will get to know you. You'll probably develop a few email friendships, and sometimes those can turn into real-life play dates. It did for me. My two most frequent spanking partners are people who I got to know on a.s.s.

  • Post a personal ad in alt.personals.spanking. It is possible to meet people this way. Even some men I know have met girlfriends via this newsgroup.

    Do not post personal ads on s.s.s; all that will do is annoy all of the potential partners out there.

  • Get involved in the S/M community if one exists where you live.

Q: How can I get my current partner to spank me?

A: Communication is the key. Try telling your partner that you've been fantasizing about being spanked and would like to see what it feels like. Or just tell her that it really turns you on, and ask if she will try doing it as a favor to you. If she's willing, you're most of the way there.

You should probably start out with a simple, bare-handed spanking. Once she starts to spank you, however lightly, show her how much you appreciate it. Get turned on. Do wonderful things to her. Have great sex. Or whatever. When she sees how much you enjoy being spanked, there's a good chance she'll want to do it again because she likes making you happy, likes the sex afterward, or gets some other thrill out of it. Once you get this far, you can start negotiating for harder spankings, more role play, or whatever else you've been fantasizing about.

Q: How can I convince my partner to let me spank her?

A: This can be a lot harder than asking your partner to spank you. If you just ask to spank her, she's likely to think you want to really hurt her. If she has a history of abuse, you might be in big trouble. You are probably better off starting by talking about spanking in general. Try gently telling her that spanking turns you on, and that you'd like to explore it. Be as nonthreatening as you can.

At first, you may want to ask her to spank you. Even if that's not your real kink, it might be fun, and more importantly it will be much less threatening for her. Once she's used to the idea that spanking can be fun and sexy, that it causes no real damage, and that it is not abuse, you can broach the subject of spanking her. The first time you spank her, be gentle and playful. You want to be sure that she enjoys it, because you might not get a second chance if she doesn't. Once you both know how she reacts to being spanked, you can start talking about adding more intensity next time.

Q: How can I get more involved in the S/M and spanking communities?

A: Many large cities have S/M support organizations such as the Society of Janus in San Francisco and Eulenspiegel in New York. In many areas there are also groups that sponsor S/M play parties. My links page has references to a few of these organizations. You can also try looking in your local alternative paper.

Q: How do I give a spanking that won't leave marks?

A: The short answer is that there's no way to guarantee that you won't leave marks. If marks are an absolute no-no for some reason, you probably shouldn't play.

However, if I wanted to be almost certain I wouldn't mark someone, I'd probably stick to a nice, hard hand spanking. You can work up a lovely red glow that way, and you can cause a fair bit of pain (if your hands are up to it :-), but you're unlikely to leave marks. If you keep your hand and wrist loose and a bit cupped (spanking like a girl :-) rather than keeping your hand, wrist, and forearm rigid like a paddle (spanking like a guy:-), you're also less likely to leave bruises. The bottom will probably enjoy it a lot more, too.

Playing with any implements is a bit more iffy. Straps have a tendency to leave marks or welts where the edges hit, or worse yet, wrap around. Paddles tend to leave bruises. And canes cause very distinctive double-ridged welts that are a dead giveaway.

Q: I'm 15 years old and interested in spanking. What should I do?

A: Don't tell me your age.

Seriously, I really feel for people who are in this situation. Unfortunately, I can't help them all that much. Here in the US I could actually be prosecuted for "corrupting the morals of a minor" if I talk about anything explicitly sexual with someone under 18. If I know your age, I'm stuck. Anyone who does know that you're underage and still wants to talk about sexuality should be treated with suspicion. It might truly be a person who wants to be supportive and is willing to take the legal risk. But it might also be a sexual predator. Be careful.

I will say that many people have interests in spanking and other "kinks" from an early age. Almost any psychologist would tell you that having fantasies is OK unless they're becoming such a strong obsession that they interfere with your day to day life. It doesn't mean you're sick. I was there, and I turned out OK. But it is hard. I remember feeling incredibly alone and afraid because I couldn't share those thoughts with anyone else. Just remember that you're not alone. There's a whole community of people waiting for you as soon as it's legal. In the meantime, you might want to lurk around on soc.sexuality.spanking and other Usenet groups to get a feel for what the community is like.

Q: Do you censor the web site?

A: That depends on what you mean by "censor." I don't change the contents of individual stories, aside from correcting egregious typos and spelling mistakes. But I'll only put a story on the site if I like it, so certain kinds of stories and certain authors are represented more than others. And as my tastes change over the years, the type of stories I add to the site changes. Lately I tend to be more interested in little girl or schoolgirl spankings that have nothing sexual about them. In the past I tended to like more sexual stories involving adults. I'm sure it will change again.

Q: Do paddles with holes really sting more?

A: Yes There are basically two reasons for this.

  • A lot of the pain and the skin damage of a paddling (or strapping, etc.) can come from the edges of the paddle, and holes add a lot more edges. I have a paddle with a bunch of small, 0.25" diameter holes that don't even go all the way through the wood. That thing hurts, and it can leave blisters. It even drew blood once. I don't like to use it on bare skin any more, though it's fun through blue jeans.
  • If there are enough holes, quite a lot of air can flow through them. This lets the paddle move faster though the air, and it elminates the "air cushion" between the paddle and the bottom. The paddles that work this way generally have a few large (0.5" - 1.0") holes, and the edges of the holes are usually rounded over nicely so there's not as much chance of damaging or breaking the skin.