Subject: A Helping Hand F/F
From: "Jessie Walker" <sapphire77@hotmail.com>
Date: 21 Sep 1998 23:08:20 -0700
Usual disclaimers apply. Comments and feedback are always appreciated. Thanks -- Jessie
I stand at the edge of the cliff. The moon is bright and looms large over the valley. The crisp wind of Fall blows my long blonde hair from my face. The start of tears gleam in my eyes, turning the city lights into a blurred vision.
But it is not the view that I am after here. It is peace. Everlasting peace. All it would take is one final leap, and I would know what it was like to fly for a few blissful moments. I shuffle a little more forward. The wind is calling me. I feel it pushing against me.... telling me that now is the time. I shake my head in resistance. My mind is so numb. I can't feel anything. All I want is the hurt to end.
"That will accomplish nothing," a feminine voice behind me calls out. I blink my eyes and spin around, a little unbalanced, to see a long, willowy woman standing a few feet from me. She has long dark hair and large brilliant blue eyes. Her complexion is flawless in the moonlight. I've seen her before, but I can't place where or when.
"C'mere," she motions with her finger. I feel compelled. I find my feet obeying even when my mind is muddled with questions. I stop inches in front of her. My eyes meet hers,...yes, so very familiar. I shiver from the inside. I want to speak, but words fail me. She takes a blanket that had been laying beside her and opens it up for me. I walk into it and feel her arms enfold me in its softness. I stay there for a second, leaning into her, her arms closed around me.
She leads me over to a log where we have the view of the city. She speaks, "Beautiful isn't it?" I nod. She continues, "Funny, all those people down there, each wrapped up in their own lives, never really knowing how they impact others."
"Sometimes people feel so hopeless, useless, and so alone, like their lives are pointless, but you know, if people could see the bigger scheme of things, they would see that everything is exactly as it should be," she says staring out at the lights.
My eyes harden and I say bitterly, "That is such bullshit. Kids get hurt and you can't tell me that is exactly as it should be. Innocent people are hurt all the time. Is that how it should be?"
She flinches as if my words hurt her. "I don't mean to say that bad things don't happen. For they surely do and they are unfair and unjust. Life is rough. There are many things that happen that leave no explanations. But I don't think giving up is any kind of answer either," she says looking pointedly at me.
"What the hell do you care?" I shout suddenly furious. "You don't know what I've been through. You don't know how I feel. I don't even know you. So why don't you get back on your horse with your shining armor and preach to somebody else. Somebody who actually gives a damn."
She stands and looks directly at me. Her deep blue eyes serious and unwavering as she states simply, "No." I glare at her daring her to move toward me. She stays firmly planted and says in a sterner voice, "You think I haven't been where you are? You think you are the only one with problems? You think I haven't wanted to give up on life? It is the easy way out, you know that? Cowards give up on life. I guess that makes you a coward now, doesn't it? And selfish on top of it. You are just a selfish coward. No wonder you don't want to live. I wouldn't either if I were you," she says as she turns her back on me and starts to leave.
A lifetime of fury comes to me and I am running at her full force. I knock her down with all my anger. I scream at her, "How dare you. How dare you say that to me. You don't know me. You don't know one thing about me... so don't you presume that I am giving up on life, damn you. Do you understand that? I am not a quitter." I scream at her, the wind whipping my hair wildly about.
Tears are streaming down my face. She grabs my wrists and pulls me down so that I am sitting on her lap. I struggle, crying. She holds me against her tighter. Finally exhaugsted from the fight, I lean the back of my head against her heart. "Not a quitter huh?" she says in my ear. I shake my head as the tears come down.
"Then quit acting like one," she whispers in my ear as she kisses my head. I start sobbing with those words and turn myself over her lap, leaning my head against my arms in the dirt. She rubs my back and bottom, every now and then gives me a little spank.
I hear her voice calm and soothing. "I know that you find spankings calm you... and help you feel loved and cared for. I would very much like to give you a spanking so that you know you are loved. Would you like that?"
I nod, still sobbing. She begins lightly spanking my jean-clad bottom. She works her hand over my whole backside, slowly increasing her speed. My heart is still hurting, and wave after wave of sadness comes up and washes over me.
I feel her lift me up a little to undo my jeans button and zipper and feel her hands gently pulling my jeans down to my legs. She resumes spanking me... the whole time reassuring me that I am going to be okay and that I am loved... that she cares and that there are a whole lot of others that care too.
I feel the cool air reach my bottom as she pulls down my panties. My sobbing has subsided to silent tears. She continues spanking my bare bottom, bringing me back from the place I've just been. I welcome the feel of the stinging slaps.... I begin to feel more alive. As if sensing my awakening she gives me a few more harder spanks and then stops. She rubs the stings away and I relax in the comfort of her lap. She pulls up my panties and jeans and helps me sit up.
We sit there in silence. I lean my head against her shoulder and know that nothing I say will ever be thanks enough. As if reading my mind she says, "Your welcome."
"Who are you?" I ask. "I know I know you, but I can't figure out from where."
"That is not important," she says. "The important thing is that I was here for you tonight." I nod in agreement. I hug her closer to me, knowing with absolute certainty that I would not be seeing her again for a very long time.
The wind blows, and this time I feel it, it is invigorating. It is no longer telling me to die, but to live. I turn to my friend to tell her, but she is not there. I smile to myself, wrap the blanket around my tighter and watch the sun come up.