Date: Sun, 23 Jun 1996 23:01:01 -0700
From: (Laura Werner)
Subject: My first spanking from a guy

(In article , (vashti and wellington) wrote:
>How about now? Right now! You hear me? NOW NOW NOW!!!

I'll try. A week later, I'm still not sure I've fully processed the experience, but it's not getting any fresher. This isn't going to be a very "hot" post; I'm just sort of thinking out loud. And I have an apology in advance: Any disparaging things I say about men in this post probably have more to do with my own history as one than with my experiences with any of the men I know.

Playing with a man was, well, different. I wasn't in a particularly great mood that night, because I'd been in wallflower mode for most of the party. The one person I hoped to play with had left really early, and I was feeling too shy do much talking, much less ask anyone else to play.

Maybe I was obviously moping or something, because one of the guys who helped run the party asked if I wanted to play. We flirted a few times, and I wanted to play, but I was a bit scared of playing with a man. A friend told me that he had a good reputation in the scene, so I wasn't worried about that, but I do have lots of emotional baggage around men.

When the party was winding down, we went to a fairly secluded room, agreed to do some hand spanking, and then started to play. I lay down on a low table, and he sat next to me and started spanking away. I don't remember too many details, other than that it hurt. He had much bigger hands than the women I'm used to playing with. He also kept his hand fairly stiff and didn't use a lot of wrist action. I now believe what one of my ex-girlfriends used to say about men using their hands like paddles. :-)

When I've played with women, I could take just about anything they could dish out with their bare hands. But this was a lot more intense, and he got very close to my limit. I was kicking, yelping, and starting to thrash around. If I'd been playing with a woman, I probably would have let go and cried, but I just couldn't bring myself to trust a man that much. I have this view of men as uncaring, unsympathetic, and emotionless. I know it's not true, and I do have a few close male friends, but the stereotype is still there in my mind, especially when the man is a stranger.

The man who was spanking me was very senstive to my limits, however. He sensed when he was getting close, and he eased off and then stopped the spanking. Then he asked if he could go get his toybag, and I surprised myself by saying yes. He used a couple of floggers on me. One had tails made of string, and it felt so nice that I've been inspired to make one of my own. At the end, he gave me a few whacks with his belt, which we hadn't really negotiated either way. I wasn't watching though, and my butt was pretty tenderized by that point, so I didn't even notice that it was a belt until I saw him putting it back on later. :-) It did fit in with the progression quite nicely.

Another thing I noticed about playing with a man, or maybe just this man, is that it was less emotionally intimate than when I play with women. During good play with women, I feel a strong emotional connection and a lot of empathy and caring. I didn't feel nearly as much of that this time. I'm not sure if that was him not emitting it or me not being able to receive it from a guy.

In contrast, the play felt more sexual than the times I've played with women. It actually made me a bit uncomfortable at times, but not so bad that I wanted to end the scene or anything. I'll just be a bit more careful about negotiating next time. But it was a weird energy for me. I made a cynical comment to a friend that when I play with a woman I feel mostly giving, but that this play with a man seemed to involve a fair bit of taking too. Still, it was fun, and I'll probably do it again.

On that cynical note, I think that's enough for tonight. I was up till 3:00 am last night, so it's time to get to bed.

BTW: this is one of those posts where I feel like I'm pushing the limits of confidentiality. I don't think I've crossed them, because I've been careful to talk about my experiences and not about the other people involved. But if anyone has any feedback on this issue, feel free to send it along.